The urge to reveal an affair can be strong but that doesn't mean it's the right course of action.

Affairs and cheating can be confusing things. On the one hand, you don't want your partner to find out at all. But on the other hand, sometimes you feel like you need to tell them, that the burden of keeping the secret is too much. Like many things that have to do with relationships, there is no definitive answer to the question "should you tell your partner your cheated?" However, by examining aspects of your relations and looking at but the pros and cons of telling your partner that you cheated, by the end of this post you should definitely have an answer, or at least be close to finding one!

Like we mentioned above, every relationship is different. In some it may be a good idea to reveal your affair; in others you definitely want to keep it a secret. It totally depends, which can be frustrating. Do not worry too much, though! All you need to do is examine your own relationship and weigh the pros and the cons as they apply to your specific relationship. After you do that, you should have an answer! Below we break down some examples of pros and cons to telling your partner you cheated. Be sure to read both sections so you can get a clear idea of how you feel. You could even start off feeling like you don't want to say anything and then decide that you do. Anything could happen! The most important thing is that you are making an informed decision.

You man be saying to yourself that there are no circumstances where you would want to reveal to your partner that you cheated. This is usually the case for most people. However, sometimes revealing the affair is the right thing to you, you just don't realize it at the time. Below we have outlined the three most popular reasons why people chose to tell their partner their cheated. Of course there are many more reasons but these should start you on the right train of thought.

It's as simple as this: you don't want to lie. A big part of having a secret affair is that you are lying to your partner. And lying to someone that you care about can sometimes feel not so great. If your partner is like most people, they likely would want to know if you had been lying and keeping an affair from them. Being honest can also have a really great positive effect. It can clear the air, it can help you and your partner to communicate better and be more open with each other. It can also help you to start to get your trust back.

A common side effect of having an affair is that you start to feel guilty. And guilt can be a super strong feeling. Rather than let it completely take over your life and ruin both your affair and your relationship, sometimes the best thing to do is to ease the guilt by telling the truth. It's totally okay to feel guilty too. Sometimes we start off in an affair feeling totally positive and fine but then something happens and we start to feel guilty. Thinking about your partner and their feelings can also lend to the guilt.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts to keep the affair private, your partner could find out. Many people decide to take control back of their situation and reveal their cheating before their partner can confront them about it. If you decide to do this, you are controlling the narrative. It will also look like you made the decision based on wanting to be honest and open rather than admitting something after the fact. Even if there doesn't seem to be a hint of your partner finding out, you may feel like they'll find out eventually so it may as well come from you.

Now that we've outline a few reasons that you may want to tell your partner that you cheated, do you feel like any of them are resonating with you? If any of them jump out at you as feeling right about your situation, then it could be that telling your partner that you cheated is the right decision for you.

Another important thing to keep in mind if you are thinking about telling them is how your partner feels about cheating. This will have a huge impact on whether you should tell them, even if you do want to be honest or feel like the guilt is eating at you. There is a lot to balance when it comes to this, it's true!

Of course, with every positive there is also a negative on the flip side. And generally speaking, with it comes to cheating, most opt to not tell their partner about it. This is because society still deems cheating as something negative and cheaters are considered terrible people. Because of this condition there is a big change that your partner could feel this way. So just how there are things that make revealing your affair the right choice there are things that make not telling just as right a choice. Like we keep saying: it is a very individual decision. Despite that, there are still a few main reasons why the majority of people decide to keep their affairs a secret. We have listed the most popular ones below.

Many people like all aspects of an affair, including the secret part. They want to keep the affair from their partner because that is a huge part of what makes the affair exciting and sexy. This is a good mindset to have, because having sexy secrets is lots of fun and we like to believe what people don't know can't hurt them. However, it can be difficult to get to this mindset as it is hard to not worry about your partner or ignore how society looks down upon cheating. So don't worry if you don't feel this way immediately. You could get there!

You know your partner better than anyone so you will also likely know whether or not they will forgive you if they find out you are cheating. And if you are interested in maintaining your relationship it would probably be a good idea not to tell them anything. If you aren't sure about whether or not your partner would find cheating unforgivable it's better to err on the side of caution. In our experience, most people are against cheating so chances are your partner is too. All the more reason not to reveal your affair to them!

Now, you hopefully still have some form of feeling for your partner. After all, you are still in a relationship with them. Or at the very least if you don't love them, hopefully you care about them or respect them a little bit. With that in mind, think about how revealing that you cheating could hurt them. Above we talked about how they could be so mad or upset or feel so betrayed that they wouldn't forgive you, but that is about you. Now it's time to think about them. After all, they matter too! So if you are wanting to spare your partner's feelings and not hurt them, definitely keep your affair a secret.

Chances are these factors for keeping your affair a secret resonated with you more than the factors to reveal your affair. That is more or less what we expected! While keeping something from your partner can be challenging it is often better for both people in the long run.

It's vital that you imagine what could happen if you do tell your partner you cheated. We aren't just talking about hurt feelings or not forgiving you. Do you live with your partner? Have a life together? You need to think about how revealing an affair could impact your life. You may have to move out or find yourself in a super uncomfortable situation. You may not be ready for that or you may not want to at all. So in order to keep your life as close to the way it is, which is the way you like it, definitely don't reveal your affair.

Regardless of whether or not you reveal your affair, never forget that your relationship is going to change. Hopefully it changes for the better, which is what we always hope, but sometimes it can change for the worst! You really do need to know what your'e getting into before not only embarking on an affair but deciding to reveal it to your partner or not. We hope for only positive changes in your relationship future, though! And a big factor in having a positive change is deciding whether or not you should tell your partner you cheated. There is no right decision but there is a right-for-you decision!

The biggest change to your relationship is, of course, that it will end. You likely do not want this outcome but it's good to be aware of it regardless so that you can prepare. While it's impossible for us to judge individual relationships and people, the chances of our relationship ending are higher if you decide to tell your partner you cheated. This is just inevitable. So if you don't want to risk it, keep your affair a secret!

Now that we've gone over the pros and cons of telling your partner you cheated, it's time to select and ask yourself: is it worth it. And we don't just mean with telling your partner you cheated. We always like to remind our readers that deciding to embark on an affair is a big decision and can have big consequences. So before you jump into your affair you want to make absolutely sure that it is what you want to do. You need to make sure that it is worth it. Once you've decided that, then you can move on to deciding if reveal your affair is worth it or not. And remember, that answer will differ with everyone!

Now, likely you have come to a decision about whether or not to reveal your affair. If you are planning on keeping it a secret, that is totally fine. Go for it! However, you should still practice and prepare as if you were planning on telling your partner about the cheating. This is because it's always good to prepare and it will also get you in a good headspace for knowing the worst that can happen.

If you do decide to tell your partner that you cheated, that is also a great decision that we respect! Think about how you want to tell them. We recommend making the reveal personal and kind, but not too dramatic or over the top. And you may want to avoid attaching a big romantic gesture to it. Treat it like something serious, not like a party. So no gifts or balloons!

At the end of the day, it's important to really own your decision, whichever one you decide to go with. Only you know what is right for you and your partner. We hope that this guide has helped you to find the best decision for you!