So you want to spice it up, but your partner is a little shy? No problem! We have some handy tips and suggestions to help you ease them into dirty talking like a pro!
So many relationships lack foreplay these days, and the ones that do have it, find that it isn't much of a build. There is nothing wrong with quick and dirty. Problem is, for most people, it's just quick. If you find that your intimacy is in need of a boost, the best way to jumpstart your lovemaking session is through dirty talk. It's tricky. Not everyone feels comfortable verbalizing what turns them on and keeps them hot. Maybe this is something you are keen to try but have not known how to bring it up to your partner without throwing them for a loop. The last thing you want to do is go hard and wind up turning them off. The best way to get the ball rolling is to ease into it. Start slow, gentle and build from there. <-- Feel free to use that if you want!
You could talk about it first. Float it out there that this is something you want to try, and see how they feel about it. This could be very positive for a couple who prides themselves on strong communication. It would also give you both a chance to lay some ground rules. What words turn you off? Are there certain things you do not what described. Do you want to keep these conversations rooted in the real world? By this I mean to keep it off the digital platforms- no texting or instant messages. Or if you are open to that, are there certain times of the day that it should be off limits. Listen, this might work for you, but if I'm being honest, in this, the age of consent, there are fewer opportunities to go for it. The point of dirty talk is to be inappropriate, push the boundaries, straddle the... you get what I mean. You are already in a sexual relationship, there is already intimacy between you. It's a safe space. So my advice is to coax them into it using classic forms of seduction.
Pick a night, make a plan. Simple enough right? But here's the thing- unbeknownst to your partner, the date actually starts much earlier in the day. There is no better way to ease into it than from the safe space on your own side of the phone. Start texting them sweet little messages early on "Hey baby, can't wait to see you tonight." Let a bit of time pass, then follow up with a pic. Maybe you're out shopping and trying on a new outfit in the fitting room. Snap something to send him. Caption it- "what do you think?" and see what sort of response he gives. The idea here is to get him going and find ways to naturally build on his responses. Be cheeky, let the clothing slip a little and send "how about now?". This little tactic is a hard attempt at capturing his attention. You don't want to start out down that dirt road, only to have the responses be few and far between. Now the fun can begin.
Follow up with things like "I know you're trying to work, but I just can't get you out of my head." then move it into some of the things you wish you were able to do to him at that moment. If you and your partner don't have much experience with verbal seduction together, then the best way to start is to focus on them. Having them know you can't get through your day without the thought of pleasuring them can only be well received. From there, move into things you know he likes. If his responses seem like he's playing it safe, let him. Say things that turn you on, then let him know that you don't think you can wait until tonight... Then cut off the conversation and end it with "I'll see you later" and a wink or a kiss.
So this is all still very much under control, nothing too crazy. Now comes the date. Flirt, flirt, flirt! Lightly touch him. Lean in and whisper that you don't know if you can wait much longer. Now ask him some questions. "If you had me alone right now, what would you want to do to me?" Even if he doesn't play ball, the dirty talk is still doing its job. It's building heat and giving you a direction to go in. Maybe he's not a descriptive guy. That's alright. His actions will speak louder than words when he finally gets you alone. Then you strike while the iron is hot.
See most people who aren't vocal during the seduction process aren't necessarily against it. They just can't jump into the deep end the way you can and want them to. The key is to get them going. Its always good to start with what you want to be doing and if they hesitate, don't be afraid to ask them what they want and let them play along with shorter, less descriptive responses. Once you move into action, then it will be easier for them to join in. Their bodies are already moving toward that end game, and they are less likely to put up roadblocks because what is happening feels good. So this is where you move away from describing what you want to do, and into telling them how much you like what they are doing. Throw some "what ifs" - "what if I slid my hand here..." then maybe move into some demands- "bend me over", "get on your knees". Let the natural heat that is building between you guide the progress and allow it to escalate organically. Throw in colorful language. Offer variety. Maybe grip him tight and whisper something about his body to him. Then pull back, and tell him what you want next in a loud exhale.
Once you have treated him to a few special occasions like this, it should come more naturally. It's all about being playful. So where do you go from here? How do you kick it up one more notch?
Welcome to the twenty-first century! The future is now! Let your fingers do all the work. Take a night apart. Whether you're out with your girlfriends, or perhaps he is out of town for work. Enjoy one of the perks of a long distance relationship without the commitment of one. Spend the evening flirting via text. Let that build while you go about your night until you return back to a more private place. Once there, let your partner know you're alone.
Now, this can go one of three ways. You can continue typing out your desires for one another, describing the acts you're fantasizing about in great detail. This is a nice way to test out your own boundaries. See if you can get yourself to verbalize things you wouldn't usually feel comfortable saying in person. The only drawback to this is how much typing is actually involved, which gets complicated when you need to be using your hands for other things. This method works best if you find you are having a bit of an off night and not looking or sounding as good as you wish. Maybe you're tired. It's a lot easier to get in the zone without the pressure of feeling like you have to look and sound sexy.
Another option is to do a throwback to the 90's and pick up the phone. If you happened to be enjoying a few cocktails with your friends on a smokey patio or breathing in the fog at a dance club, consider the raspy tone an added bonus. This allows you to work on saying what you want without worrying that your bashfulness might show through. You don't need to see their reactions so it's a bit more freeing. It is also good practice to hear your partner try new material out on you, and get used to hearing him say them in his tone of voice. Sometimes it can be jarring for newbies to hear their partner go places they've never gone before. This method definitely allows you to focus on voice and what is being said. You can close your eyes and feel intimate with them as if they are right there beside you.
The other digital option is to be the camgirl he has always wanted but is far too cheap to pay for. You could have standard digital sex using a blend of all three- text, audio and visual; but I say, go big or go home. This ties in a bit of fun roleplay. Get set up in front of the camera. Your audio is on. He is able to both see and hear you. The twist is that his audio and visual are off. You can only see what he types. Now flirt a little bit, maybe put on some music. Or ignore him. Force him to grab your attention. Then tell him you will do whatever he wants, he just has to tell you. Now watch as a flood of descriptive, filthy messages come through- and I bet they will be insanely dirty because he gets to act anonymously in this scenario. Get him to give you details instructions on how to pleasure yourself for him. When you know he is getting close on his side, ask him to switch on that audio so you can hear how hot you made him.
Don't knock it til you've tried it. You don't need to go all out and dress up to seduce your partner using this method. You just need to tempt them into putting on a character themselves.
Another fun digital roleplay is an ailment you need to have checked. For fun, let's say you have hard nipples. You need a Web MD to have a look at your scans. Take some fun photos and send them his way. What course of treatment does he recommend? He might require you to go into his office for a procedure. He should describe every dirty detail of the examination.
Once you started out light and breezy with a few things here and there, you can bring more characters into the mix. If you are both really into a form of fiction, play out a scenario as those characters. I know a lot of writers who have some insane roleplay characters that they created together. It's all about world building. I'm willing to bet that fans of sci-fi and fantasy have some crazy sex heightened by roleplay. You can basically let it start as a game of DnD and then see where it takes you.
The goal of sex is to get both you and your partner off. The goal of dirty talk and roleplay is to explore each other wants and desires and enjoy the journey that leads you to orgasm. Let's be real, orgasms are not always a guarantee. There are times when you may not be able to get there, but it doesn't mean you aren't enjoying every minute of the effort. This type of foreplay is enjoyable in itself. It's a way to engage all of the senses and work more erogenous zones. You actually improve your chances of both you and your partner arriving at orgasm by putting in the effort mixed with a little creativity. I promise you, it's worth the initial blushes and giggles!
So you want to spice it up, but your partner is a little shy? No problem! We have some handy tips and suggestions to help you ease them into dirty talk.
