Concerned your partner may not be able to get over your brief affair? Whether purely physical or deeply emotional, the damage caused is NOT beyond repair!

This is a sensitive topic. The outlooks definitely vary. But if you ask us, the key to surviving an affair is communication. From the moment they find out, and every day that follows, an ongoing flow of communication is essential to rebuilding trust. But before you blurt it out over a surprise home-cooked meal, or in the checkout line at the grocery store, you need to thoroughly consider your approach. Identify the important details of what happened, and determine what needs to be shared upfront with your partner, versus what information should be revealed only when asked. There is no question that what was done has, and will continue to cause pain to your partner. There is no need to twist the knife with how the information is delivered. The best thing you can do is approach with both honesty and empathy.

Fair question. For this, we need to go back to basics. In order to figure out HOW to communicate, you need to fill in those five other "W"'s first. In terms of the affair itself, you need to review WHO was involved, and WHAT happened? When it comes to approaching the subject with your partner: WHERE should you do this, and WHEN is the best time? Finally, and most importantly WHY? This one applies to both. Why did this affair happen? Why do you want your partnership to survive this infidelity? The answer to this one is the vital foundation upon which you will build the future of your relationship. It won't be easy, but if you have a clear sense of these things your communication will be constructive rather than defensive.

Who? We don't mean names, addresses, or social media handles. Don't hand over a stalkers guide to revenge! Who was this person to you? Who is it to your partner? A stranger? Someone they know? A senseless hookup, or a long-term infidelity? How much you reveal is up to you. It will also depend on your partner. Revealing identities may not feel right, but it may be what your partner needs to hear in order to move forward. Just remember that you are working toward some semblance of closure. It can get messy, but it is important for the survival of your relationship that you give your partner what they need.

What happened? The devil is in the details. A play by play is not necessary unless requested. Reflect on what happened that led to this incident. It will help you later in discovering the WHY. Keep in mind that they may not want to know all the details. The important thing is to offer honest answers to the questions you are being asked. No hesitation. Allow them to process.

It's hard to get a conversation like this started, but these two factors should be obvious. Where? Privately. Do not engage in this topic while in public, or in front of family and friends. The humiliation will only cause further damage. When? At a time when the discussion can be fluid. Do not interrupt something important, or spring it on them right before they leave for work. Take the time to sit down and approach it delicately. Consider what your partner has going on and if this will negatively affect it. Of course, there is no good time to lay it out. Just be smart and choose a time that will do the least amount of damage. Be prepared for this discussion to go on until it runs its course. This could be weeks or months. Both at home and in therapy. Once it comes out, it could be brought up at any time. It is important to be patient, empathetic, and allow them to feel everything they need to feel. Only then, can the constructive communication start that will lead to repair.

This is a deep question. Once you have identified the others you should be able to work through this part. It will take time. Sure, you could come to the table with a basic understanding of why this happened, but know that getting to the real root will require exploring it further in communication with your partner. You're not only looking for why this happened though. Why did it end? This is a good way to help reinforce that it is over. Having your partner believe that an affair has ended is no easy task. Trust was broken. It will be hard for them to take your word for it. If you can provide insight into your reasons for ending it, it will help with this next part. Why do you want this relationship to survive your affair? As previously mentioned, your reasons for wanting to work it out, and continue to build a life with your partner, will be the foundation on which you can begin to repair. It has to be solid. Anything you can offer to reinforce how important it is to you will go a long way.

How does one recommit themselves to a relationship after an affair? You start by taking responsibility. Do not deny, do not blame. It happened. It's done. It's over. Be firm. Express the importance of this relationship. Why does it mean so much to you? You will do whatever needs to be done in order to overcome this. However long it takes. Commit to total honesty in order to rebuild trust. Agree to counseling or therapy — both together and independently. Make it clear you will not only put in the work necessary to move forward, but you will also work diligently to improve on all the areas of the relationship as a whole. Opening up communication is also a way of proving to yourself that you are committed. If you can't believe or trust yourself, then you can't expect that of your partner.

From this point forward, it is important that you and your partner decide your fate together. Communication and therapy are definite requirements. There are also additional methods and options you can implement into your healing. When we say "Alternatives" we mean alternative perspectives. There are a few ways you can look at this. You can see this as an opportunity to start over together. Air your grievances. Lay out all the problems you had with your relationship pre-affair. What did you both need, that you weren't getting? What did you want or desire, not only from your partner but from life? Maybe these are things you knew were important to you, but you held back for fear of hurting the other. This is the time to put it all out there. There is no sense in trying to go back to the way things were if they only led to disappointment. End the pre-affair relationship. Start a new one with your partner. Strive for something better that allows you both a new approach. Come out of this a changed person.

Resuming your daily life is its own challenge. You want to give your partner adequate time for communication, but also space if they need it. Decide on a few ground rules. Perhaps you can agree not to bring up the affair when the discussion surrounding it won't be constructive. Be supportive of one another's healing process. You may both say some unsavory things in the beginning. Don't let these things resurface for the purpose of pressing buttons. Let them go. Jabs do no one any good. Try to spend quality time together outside of your normal routine. Things you want to do instead of only what you have to do. Use these times to be present and focus on enjoying each others company. Keep it separate from your ongoing conversation. Allow this to be an additional healing tool. Go on dates, but keep them light at first. Do not force romance. Flirt with one another if it's comfortable. Remember to take your time with the physical relationship. The journey back to the bedroom is an exploration of your attraction to one another post-affair, as well as the emotions you carry. It's delicate. Raw. A respectful and patient approach will go a long way.

Don't self-sabotage by worrying about things that are out of your control. What if my partner doesn't want to work things out? What if we try and fail? What if things are never the same? What if I do it again? You can ponder these things until you are blue in the face. All it does is set you up for failure. The insecurity brought on by these questions will plague you. They will render you incapable of moving forward. If your partner doesn't want to work it out, that is fair. That is their choice. All you can really control is how you feel. It is up to you to convince them that it is worth fighting for. Put these things aside and focus on the future you are determined to have with them. If you try and try, but it doesn't seem to get any better, then you may need to reassess. Just remember to give it time. Do not expect instant results. If it doesn't work out, then at least you know you did everything you could. Learn from this. You won't see it work if you don't try. If it does work out, you can't expect it to be the way it once was. It is unrealistic. Continue to strive for something better. Adjust your expectations. Speaking of expectations, perhaps you need to redefine them. Maybe an overhaul of the relationship parameters is in order. If you are concerned that this is something that may happen again, talk openly with your partner about it. Research other forms of relationships besides marriage and monogamous partnerships. Discuss one more alternative: changing the type of relationship you have.

Once you have strengthened your communication, established your mutual desire for the relationship to survive, and begun to rebuild trust, you can start to look at revitalizing your passion. Do what feels right for you and your partner at a pace you can both accept. Here are some suggestions to help jumpstart your desire:

Take A Trip - Vacation and travel can go a long way to shedding additional and unwanted stress. Explore new destinations. Explore each other!

Book A Hotel Room - Vacations are not always feasible. Try a night or two in a hotel. A change of scenery every once and a while is always a good idea.

Try Sexting - It's not always easy to be vulnerable with someone face to face. It's even harder when recovering from betrayal. Sometimes it is easier to step outside the boundaries you set for yourself if you're doing so from behind the comfort and security of screen. Ease back into a flirtation with your partner in a safe space that is judgment-free. You could even implement this solo endeavor by trying one of the first two suggestions alone. Take separate vacations, or put your partner up in a hotel for some much-needed self-care. Use the physical distance to entice a virtual closeness. Exploring yourselves solo can create anticipation for the moment you physically reconnect.

Roleplay - Share your fantasies with each other. Find one that you can easily make a reality and put it into play. You've spent so much time in a place of disappointment, sadness, and anger with each other. Why not be someone else for a night. Step outside yourselves, leave the emotion behind and find that uninhibited heat.

Pornography - Don't knock it until you've tried it together. Maybe this isn't the most popular suggestion, but for open-minded people who both enjoy porn independently, it could be great.

If you are looking to explore some of the suggestions above, take a look at some of our other helpful articles RIGHT HERE!

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