Lifestyles of the young, hot and overly confident can be very intimidating when you're used to dating old, cold, and underwhelming. So what is a girl to do?

Don't let those insecurities get to you. You traded up (or technically down) for a reason. It's important to remember what you bring to the table.

Ha! Easier said than done, am I right? We all have our moments. It doesn't matter how strong you are, or how much of your shit you've got together. We all have weak points. Blind spots. The topic of age is a fragile one once you are past a certain point in your life- especially for women.

It is easy to feel insecure when you are with a younger man who leads a different life. One that finds him surrounded by his young friends. Energetic types with an affinity for athletics, that you outgrew after that mandatory gym class in your junior year of high school. Party types that strive to make it to the final round in a beer pong tournament, and expect you to keep up with them drink for drink while they chug all night. Or worse: lethargic types who spend all their free time in front of the TV or gaming system, only venturing out when they need to hit up 7/11 or stand in line for a midnight game release.

Actually, nevermind. The guy in the last scenario is the one who should feel insecure, not you. You're a grown-ass woman. You can do better. We get it, there is nothing worse than worrying that your hot young boyfriend is out there surrounded by hot people his own age (or younger), asking him what he's doing wasting his time with you. There actually is something worse though-letting those thoughts fester into an insecurity that convinces you that you are not worthy of the connection you feel with this person. Shut. It. DOWN. Here are a few thoughts you should be replacing those insecurities with:

You need to be taking care of you first and foremost. So it makes perfect sense that you remain at the forefront of your own mind. Focus on the things that you are doing. Your work. Your social life. Your accomplishments and achievements. These are things that should make you feel good. Independent. The idea is to let your confidence shine naturally through that independence. When you rely on yourself to make you feel good, it not only takes the pressure off the relationship, it's also incredibly attractive.

It's this appeal that gives you an edge on the competition. It's like playing hard to get in a way. You don't NEED this person to make you feel whole. You do that all on your own. That's enough to drive him crazy. There are many things you bring to the table that deserve recognition.

You have experienced life and love. You are seasoned in a way that opens you up to what you know works, and you are able to leave the rest behind. You are quick to recognize when something is not worth your time. Like senseless arguments and petty jealousy. So you are not going to focus your energies there, which is another pressure taken off the relationship. This is something younger women still have to learn. We've all been there. But we've come through the other side and are ready to stand in the sun. Or with the son... I kid. Sorry, can't help it.

It's important to know what you want and need in a partner. Not only for you to know, but for you to make it known to him. One of the benefits of dating a more seasoned woman is that you aren't going to play games. You say what you mean and you are direct. So if you need something, you ask for it. Better yet, you should demand it- in the nicest way possible of course.

One of the benefits of dating later in life, for anyone really, is that you can identify the difference between your needs and wants. What you need from your partner is very different than what you want. Needs carry a bit more weight. When we are young it seems like everything is a "need" and therefore deemed important. This can put an emotional strain on a relationship. We are able to meet most of our needs ourself at this point. So it allows us to focus on what we want. This is way more fun.

It's sexy to know what you want and go after it. You need time for yourself, you take it. You want romance, you make that clear. You want sex- go for it. That's the kind of initiative and confidence that makes you stand out.

One thing that can help you if you struggle with any form of insecurity from dating a much younger man, is to make sure you are managing your expectations. He doesn't have the experience you have. This is why it is important to be direct and clear with those aforementioned wants and needs. To some degree, you are a teacher. This may sound unappealing, but it isn't meant to gross you out. We all teach each other our individual language of love in any relationship. New beginnings always come with that learning curve. The reason you need to manage your expectations this time around is that you may have become accustomed to a certain level of relationship awareness over time.

You might expect him to know better in certain situations, but he doesn't. So when he messes up, it's easy to let your mind race with the reasoning behind it. He forgot something important. He went MIA for an entire afternoon. He made a comment about something you weren't aware he did. You could make yourself insecure if you start putting meaning behind these things. Did he forget because he doesn't care? Did he go MIA because he was with someone else? If he didn't tell you about that party last weekend, what else is he hiding? If you've been with someone for a long time and they start doing things like this, it's easy to wonder. If you're dating someone your own age, these explanations you are coming up with might seem ridiculous for a grown man. So you probably wouldn't put as much thought or concern into it. You wouldn't feed that worry. So why do you when it's a younger man? Because he's a bit of a wildcard? Maybe.

It's more likely that he is just simply young and inexperienced. It doesn't occur to him that this important thing meant enough to be committed to memory. He doesn't always think to check in before he settles into a task or heads into an event where he can't access his phone. Maybe he just doesn't think much of having to report back what he's doing and where he's going. There are so many more logical explanations for his behavior. So you need to adjust your perspective and not read too much into it.

The other expectations you need to manage are what you expect of yourself. We can be very hard on ourselves. It's hard not to want to be perceived as the cool chick, especially when dating someone younger. Maybe you work really hard to maintain your chill. You have a relaxed approach, and hold yourself to a higher standard of flexibility and understanding for your partner. So what happens when you lose that cool? We all have our moments. It's impossible to remain zen at every minute, of every day and in every type of situation. We slip. So you can't beat yourself up over the occasional slip. You're only human. He's only human. Take a breath!

Oh, this one is hard. You can date someone older than you and still end up mothering them. We are women. We nurture. We scold. But there is a clear difference between guiding someone with the tone of an experienced teacher and doing everything for them like a mom who has given up. The most obvious difference is that you can be hot for teacher. You should be using that by the way. Think about this sexually for a second. You know what your body wants. When you sleep with someone new, someone that hasn't learned your love language or body talk, you need to guide them gently. It's a delicate balance. You don't want to make them feel inadequate or frustrate them. But you can't very well push them off and do it for them either. Well, you could. Might even be hot. But you shouldn't have to. If you approach other issues the way you approach this then you will have nothing to worry about.

The goal is for them to learn from you and the experiences you share. Not abuse what you are putting into it. If you ask him to call you later, or pick up after himself, or make a reservation for this weekend, he should be able to do these things. It's easy to fall victim to constantly reminding him until it turns into nagging, or going ahead and doing it yourself. The issue is that slowly, but surely, you wind up doing all the work. If he can get away with it, he will. Then ultimately, you are taking care of him, AND yourself- and no one is taking care of you. Like a single mom. When it is one-sided like this, of course, you will feel insecure. If you ask him to pull his own weight in the relationship and make a consistent effort, he should be able to do that. It should get to a point when you don't need to ask anymore. Learned behavior. When you are equally sharing the work, you both feel taken care of and what you end up with is a true partnership.

This one is next to impossible. We compare ourselves to others on a daily basis, whether we are feeling vulnerable or not. Social media has only made this harder in recent years. You can't compare yourself to the younger women you think he could easily be with. You can't compare him to the handy, successful, self-made, seemingly perfect single dad you just met at that PTA meeting. More importantly, you can't compare the unique relationship the two of you share, to that of the married couple next door, or the perfect instagram marriages of your friends. It's not worth it.

The life you live is tailored to your wants, needs, routines, interests, and personalities. Your lifestyle is for you, his lifestyle is for him. When the two co-exist together, it creates a dynamic union that may not be perfect, but no one's situation ever is. I guarantee there are other people looking at what you have and thinking "why isn't our relationship like that?" Focus on the joy it brings you. If something isn't working, or could be going better- fix it. Just because you are older does not mean you are set in your ways. Growth and development do not end unless you force that shutdown. Build the life you want, with the partner you want. Appreciate what you have. Learn and grow together. Don't waste any time focusing your mental energies on worries that only serve to create problems for you and your partner.

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